Tag: mama

With all our heart.. (personal)

Sometimes you don’t understand things until you’ve written them down and re read them.

So right now Im going to write because Im confused.. and please don’t hesitate to comment and give feedback. I like that.

So from my understanding, A mother is supposed to support, love, uplift their children.. Am I wrong? How come my mother doesn’t do those things.

So I moved back home about a month ago because I lost my job, which was a blessing.. but thats another story for another time. And everyday my mom just intentionally finds ways to piss me off. She is constantly angry, constantly picking me apart, and constantly trying to control my life. She has been doing this for years.

I know I may sound sensitive. But I’m not really a sensitive person at all. I used to think it was me who was the problem. But I’m coming to the realization that it’s her. And the older she gets the worst it gets.

The weekend after I moved back in, I went to go see my friends in DC. My mom went through everything in my room. Literally, picked everything apart. I know that I am anonymous, but I am a mid 20 something year old female, never been arrested, never had any problems with drugs, have a college degree, go to church, Im not toting any weapons….. Im a pretty good person. Im grown and I would like some privacy. It was like she couldn’t wait to go through my clothes and every single things I had. She even picked through my spices that were in the box I packed my kitchen stuff in. She called herself “reorganizing”. I made sure I kept my things out of my parents way because I knew she would try this. I came home a little confused. Like why. She’s always been nosy. I literally can;t have a private life. If I leave the house for more that an hour she is calling me like “where are you?” If I want to hang out with friends she questions me. “Oh I don’t know that person. You can hang out with them. I need to meet them” LIKE WHAT AM I 13?? She thinks that she has to pick out all my clothes. I have to pretend to like them and return them later to avoid hurting her feelings and being called “ungrateful”. It’s like she doesn’t want me to think for myself. She get really upset when I shop for myself. If she knows I’ve been shopping, she take pride in picking through the clothes I’ve picked out and criticizing everything. Im often fat shamed. And I have a very nice body. I work out every day. and I also lift. She even has a problem with me going to the gym. “You lift weights, You’re gonna look like a man.”

When she comes in the house from work its never a warm “Hi sweetheart, How are you today?” but I get greeted with “What have you been doing all day?” with a stank face. Sometimes I don’t even get greeted at all.. an thats fine with me. I try not to even be here when she gets home because its uncomfortable. Usually when she comes in the house she tries to pick a fight with me. Usually over things that have nothing to do with her.  She walks around the house angry stomping and slamming doors and cursing. I cannot wait to move out.

My sister moved out when and never looked back. She even got evicted from her apartment and still wouldn’t move back. This woman is hell. I don’t blame my sister. I see the way she was treated growing up and ever since she’s moved out she’s never looked back. She won’t even answer my moms phone calls. AND MY SISTER IS HER FAVORITE. She has one friend whom she’s had since middle school. Her and her friend have the most awkward/fake relationship. Everyone knows that. My mom has called us names such as “retards” one time she even called me a “whore”. I tell her about my dreams and aspirations and things I want to do. Places I want to go. She negatively shuts me down every time. I constantly get blamed for eve thing. the world could end tomorrow and it would all be my fault.

Conversation: “Hey mom. I think I want to start a business”

MOM: “What kind of business?” Me: “A hair studio. You know where I own the building and rent out booths.” Mom: “Why would you start a hair studio business? You are not even a licensed cosmetologist. You know nothing about hair. Someone could get a perm. And when their hair falls out, you’re gonna get sued. That’s not a good idea because that’s not gonna work.”

Conversation 2: Me: “Hey, mom I think I want to go back to school to get my MBA.”

Mom: “An MBA isn’t going to do anything for you. You’re just gonna add to the massive debt you already have.”

Me: “I kind of want to travel to Europe. I really want to go see London and France.”

MOM: “Why would you want to go there? There are terrorist there. You may not get back in the country. That’s not a good idea” Like wtf can I do?! OMG

I talk about plans of moving out, although Ive only been here for a month. Her response it “You probably aren’t gonna afford to go live anywhere else”

THE NEGATIVITY IS DRIVING ME CRAZY. and I usually avoid negative people but I can’t avoid my mother whom I live with. Every single day I pray that God remove me from the situation. Remove me from this house. Remove me from this connection.

 

We love our mother with all our hearts & treat our mother with the utmost respect but its like we can’t ever do anything right. It makes me think.. why is she like this. I think she had a rough childhood and a rough relationship with her own mother. sometimes I wonder if she’s jealous. Why does she try to control me? But why does she try to take her anger out on me?

Please pray for me and my situation. Or please share some encouraging words.

 

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