With all our heart.. (personal)

Sometimes you don’t understand things until you’ve written them down and re read them.

So right now Im going to write because Im confused.. and please don’t hesitate to comment and give feedback. I like that.

So from my understanding, A mother is supposed to support, love, uplift their children.. Am I wrong? How come my mother doesn’t do those things.

So I moved back home about a month ago because I lost my job, which was a blessing.. but thats another story for another time. And everyday my mom just intentionally finds ways to piss me off. She is constantly angry, constantly picking me apart, and constantly trying to control my life. She has been doing this for years.

I know I may sound sensitive. But I’m not really a sensitive person at all. I used to think it was me who was the problem. But I’m coming to the realization that it’s her. And the older she gets the worst it gets.

The weekend after I moved back in, I went to go see my friends in DC. My mom went through everything in my room. Literally, picked everything apart. I know that I am anonymous, but I am a mid 20 something year old female, never been arrested, never had any problems with drugs, have a college degree, go to church, Im not toting any weapons….. Im a pretty good person. Im grown and I would like some privacy. It was like she couldn’t wait to go through my clothes and every single things I had. She even picked through my spices that were in the box I packed my kitchen stuff in. She called herself “reorganizing”. I made sure I kept my things out of my parents way because I knew she would try this. I came home a little confused. Like why. She’s always been nosy. I literally can;t have a private life. If I leave the house for more that an hour she is calling me like “where are you?” If I want to hang out with friends she questions me. “Oh I don’t know that person. You can hang out with them. I need to meet them” LIKE WHAT AM I 13?? She thinks that she has to pick out all my clothes. I have to pretend to like them and return them later to avoid hurting her feelings and being called “ungrateful”. It’s like she doesn’t want me to think for myself. She get really upset when I shop for myself. If she knows I’ve been shopping, she take pride in picking through the clothes I’ve picked out and criticizing everything. Im often fat shamed. And I have a very nice body. I work out every day. and I also lift. She even has a problem with me going to the gym. “You lift weights, You’re gonna look like a man.”

When she comes in the house from work its never a warm “Hi sweetheart, How are you today?” but I get greeted with “What have you been doing all day?” with a stank face. Sometimes I don’t even get greeted at all.. an thats fine with me. I try not to even be here when she gets home because its uncomfortable. Usually when she comes in the house she tries to pick a fight with me. Usually over things that have nothing to do with her.  She walks around the house angry stomping and slamming doors and cursing. I cannot wait to move out.

My sister moved out when and never looked back. She even got evicted from her apartment and still wouldn’t move back. This woman is hell. I don’t blame my sister. I see the way she was treated growing up and ever since she’s moved out she’s never looked back. She won’t even answer my moms phone calls. AND MY SISTER IS HER FAVORITE. She has one friend whom she’s had since middle school. Her and her friend have the most awkward/fake relationship. Everyone knows that. My mom has called us names such as “retards” one time she even called me a “whore”. I tell her about my dreams and aspirations and things I want to do. Places I want to go. She negatively shuts me down every time. I constantly get blamed for eve thing. the world could end tomorrow and it would all be my fault.

Conversation: “Hey mom. I think I want to start a business”

MOM: “What kind of business?” Me: “A hair studio. You know where I own the building and rent out booths.” Mom: “Why would you start a hair studio business? You are not even a licensed cosmetologist. You know nothing about hair. Someone could get a perm. And when their hair falls out, you’re gonna get sued. That’s not a good idea because that’s not gonna work.”

Conversation 2: Me: “Hey, mom I think I want to go back to school to get my MBA.”

Mom: “An MBA isn’t going to do anything for you. You’re just gonna add to the massive debt you already have.”

Me: “I kind of want to travel to Europe. I really want to go see London and France.”

MOM: “Why would you want to go there? There are terrorist there. You may not get back in the country. That’s not a good idea” Like wtf can I do?! OMG

I talk about plans of moving out, although Ive only been here for a month. Her response it “You probably aren’t gonna afford to go live anywhere else”

THE NEGATIVITY IS DRIVING ME CRAZY. and I usually avoid negative people but I can’t avoid my mother whom I live with. Every single day I pray that God remove me from the situation. Remove me from this house. Remove me from this connection.


We love our mother with all our hearts & treat our mother with the utmost respect but its like we can’t ever do anything right. It makes me think.. why is she like this. I think she had a rough childhood and a rough relationship with her own mother. sometimes I wonder if she’s jealous. Why does she try to control me? But why does she try to take her anger out on me?

Please pray for me and my situation. Or please share some encouraging words.


Why you bother me, when you KNOW DAMN WELL YOU DON’T WANT MY ASS?!

Why you bother me, when you KNOW DAMN WELL YOU DON’T WANT MY ASS?!

Y’all… I cannot stop listening to this SZA album CTRL.

I love it!

We can all relate. We know that one dude that hits us up weekly with no intentions on actually getting to know us. You can’t really get to know someone by just sending “good morning” and “wyd?” text everyday. And lets not forget about the ones in your IG DMs. You know the one’s in “committed relationships” Sure.


I’m not petty enough to screenshot and send it to your GF.

Got me looking forward to weekends with you though..


The Weekend…. is just my triflin’ truth. That’s my shit. I be like..

body roll 2.gif


I’ll admit. I went to his house one weekend, found a curling iron on the floor, tampon wrappers and Forever 21 tags in the trashcan.. I still stayed the night. I was upset about it. But I’ll still go back if he hits me up to come over. I just tell myself “I just keep him satisfied through the weekend. She’s like 9-5. Im the Weekend” He looks forward to my visits. It shows.


Drew Barrymore

The music kind of reminds me of some kind of 90’s soft rock band. Something like Sublime or 311, one of their softer songs like Amber.. I like it. Issa Vibe!


Supermodel has to be my favorite song on the album.

“Leave me lonely for prettier women” 

Got me feeling insecure AF. I’ve been in that situation. Just makes you wonder “what’s wrong with me?” I was just a temporary lover. When really you’re emotionally wrapped up and you want to be seen for more than an occasional booty call. It’s possible to see me as more.

The whole album is just… A Vibe. I needed this in my life.

I used to think I was crazy.

Thank You SZA for making me feel normal again. 🙂

The Reason..

The reason is…

About a year ago, I started keeping a journal because I was going to go insane.  I had so much on my mind. So many feelings and emotions. And I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone. Couldn’t talk to friends, they gossip. Couldn’t talk to family, they judge. Can’t vent on social media, didn’t want to be that person that’s always online complaining. So I got a notebook and started writing all the things I didn’t want to share with others. And I felt better. After a year of writing, My notebook is almost filled. I protect it at all cost because it means a lot to me. I’d been through so much and I’m only in my twenties. I always tell myself.. If I ever die young, this will probably be a Best Seller… That is if someone finds it.


Now that my journal is filled, I shall blog, anonymously..


-Anonymous Black Girl